Fighting the urge to start packing

You must know by now that I attended the Midwives Alliance of North America annual conference a couple weeks ago.
I wanted to come home refreshed and invigorated but I can't say I did. Part of that was due to working a bit at the conference. Part of it was staying up late talking shop and waking really early for the next day's sessions. The women were delightful, smart, funny and inspiring in many ways. So a part of me was refreshed, to be sure.

Carol Leonard is a wonderful New Hampshire midwife who has been practicing homebirth midwifery since the mid 1970s. She's recently written and published a book, Lady's Hands, Lion's Heart- A Midwife's Saga. I am still reading it, but it's a great book. Check it out, even if you're not a birth worker. If you've ever had a homebirth midwife, this is an excellent opportunity to see what's in her head, heart and life as she serves women. It's hard work that can kick your ass, make you laugh, having you sobbing or wondering just why the hell you don't work at Starbucks, all in the same 24 hours. (See, we newer midwives think Starbucks, Carol Leonard constantly wondered about working at McDonald's as an alternative. Some things never change.).

What has gotten me down since the conference and from reading this book is that midwives in the United States are STILL fighting the same fucking battle that midwives 30 years ago, hell, 60 years ago were fighting. Midwife attended births remain at 10% in this country. Homebirths being only 1%. Those percentages haven't changed in DECADES. Not because homebirths attended by midwives trained in out-of-hospital, unmedicated births are not safe, affordable, viable options, but because our health and birth culture is driven by huge egos, money, greed, fear and insurance lawyers. We have ACOG and the AMA putting out their pithy little resolutions deeming to hunt us down and burn us at the stake again (and again).Their resolutions that threaten the right of every pregnant woman to decide WHERE and WITH WHOM she chooses to birth. CEASE and DESIST, you dirty, untrained midwife! CEASE and DESIST treating women with respect! CEASE and DESIST your belief that birth is normal!

Maybe it's the rising tension of the presidential elections next week, but I'm (as Joe Strummer would say), so bored with the USA.

How can it be that we're still fighting the same fight with birth and midwives in this country when we're waaaaay down low on the list for neonatal mortality and maternal morbidity rates, despite having the most money and technology at our fingertips? Sssh! Don't talk about that! They don't want you to even ponder that all that tweaking and prodding and cutting and rupturing and using the machines that go BLING! and women hooked up to 16 different cables during labor resembling a factory-farmed milk cow has anything to do with their higher percentages of not-so-great outcomes. Feh.

I feel so done. So done worrying. So done with fighting, knowing the fight hasn't even begun yet. See, ACOG and the AMA have a lot of money. Midwives are humble souls without shareholders backing them up. Moving to a country where midwives are respected as care providers, with autonomy... that's sounding mighty good to me.

As much as I love reading Ina May Gaskin, Raven Lang, and now the awesome Carol Leonard, I no longer feel that strong faith that midwifery is catching on in this country. long pause Okay, well we now have 22 states legal and licensed and that is more than ever before. Progress, I admit.

I just feel angry, and I don't know what to do with that.

Bunkbeds a.k.a, Homebirth Socieology

Last week we had three babies born. Two of the babies were #4 in their birth order, and one was a #8!
Years ago, I was definitely skeptical, perhaps even cynical about large families. I admit it. I was #3 of 3, and in my mind, that was enough kids, if not too many. My husband and I have been parked at two kids for 4 years now, and many family members assume that's it for us, because two is clearly enough children.
That's what reasonable people do, stop at two children.

Over the last decade, there has been a proliferation of mini-mansion Pulte homes. It has somehow become the norm for folks to have a bedroom for each child in the family. It has become the norm to have a formal living room (where no one ever sits, let alone lives) and then a "family room" relegated to children as a playroom, a TV room, a computer/video game room- a go-away-don't-bother-me room. This isn't a terribly new concept, I admit. I can remember playing in a many a friend's finished-basement with shag carpeting on concrete floor, record players and toys as a child in the late 70's, early 80s.
But even as a child in a family of 3 kids, I shared a bedroom with one of my siblings until I was 13. And I liked it.
Anymore though, many folks make a face and sneer when you talk about kids older than 3 years of age sharing a bedroom; as if it's abusive to have kids sharing their sleeping/playing space.

As a midwife, I meet a lot of my clients in our office, not seeing their home until around 34-35 weeks. I'm always pleased to see these larger families (i.e., more than 2 kids) living as I remember families living: bunkbeds and dressers in the kid's bedrooms, and toys in a toy box. There is no huge playroom devoted to shutting children away (if there ever was one, it's since become a bedroom!), or for storing massive amounts of toys/video games/movies.
Then there's the interaction and communication of the larger family...
When you live with more people, you're forced to learn how to communicate better, how to share not only your possessions, but your personal space. Surely, this is a great life skill to learn young.
I've spent the last week hanging out with larger families, and I've definitely noticed the difference in how these kids interact compared to my own kids, my own nephews and my friend's kids (the friend's with one or two kids).
I'm not saying the kids in families with one or two children are worse off, or sadly missing out on anything. I'm just coming to realize that there is a lot to be said for the kids in larger families. They are not to be pitied, their parents are not to be sneered at.
None of this stuff about them needing their own separate bedrooms for their personal growth, creative growth or self esteem seems to be true. No Pulte mini-mansion is needed to house so many.

I realize and respect the argument that this old Earth is heavily populated; many are starving, suffering and dying for lack of food, housing, and medicine. That is the same argument I would make about large families for years (and still do). Nothing has changed about that truth. The only thing that has changed is that I have had the opportunity over the years to spend time in hundred's of families homes, in their most intimate moments, when they are birthing a new life under their roof. Regardless of social class, living situations, personal relationships... babies keep coming. And they grow, they acquire stuff, and they need a place to sleep and food to eat.

I've witnessed many large families teach their children how to grow their own food, how to do chores (at the GASP! young age of 4 or 5!), how to care for a younger siblings and how to live peacefully with others.

They have taught me to admire the way they live, and the shocking idea that children can share a bedroom and still grow into fine individuals.