Third Baby Phenomena

As a midwife I have seen this phenomena play out many times with healthy women having natural, unmedicated pregnancy and birth: With a first pregnancy, a mother has plenty of incredible smart, soul-searching questions ranging from first trimester nausea to genetic testing to the pain of labor to breastfeeding and beyond. A woman pregnant with her second child, is confident and secure in her ability to have a healthy pregnancy and has great faith in her endurance to cope with the pain of labor once again. Labor for second babies is almost always shorter than it was with the first baby, and this adds to the woman's confidence.

Somehow, the woman pregnant with her third child starts to have doubts. She wonders if she had it too easy those first two times (even if it wasn't necessarily easy by any means). In retrospect, she realizes that ignorance was indeed bliss the first time around, and that her confidence was well in check the second time around thanks to already having experienced birth. That third baby brings with it some kind of unknown though.

From the midwife chair, we reassure without giving false promises. We remind her of her strength and the normalcy of her pregnancy thus far. Your growth is normal. Your baby sounds great! You can do it, we say again and again.

As a woman pregnant with her third child, I am a bit shocked to find myself not at all immune to the Third Baby Phenomena. I find myself worrying about incredibly rare occurrences. I worry about labor being incredibly long, even though the combined time from my first two labors only add up to 6 1/2 hours. I worry about the intense pubis pain I experienced last time and wonder if it will recur. I worry about bad baby positioning, cord issues, very rare but scary chromosomal issues. I worry about money, the economy, the state of the world in general. I worry when driving the kids in the car. Will we get into a car accident?

I'm really getting tired of all this worry. Seriously, it's annoying the hell out of me.

I'm just not that type of person. Sure, I experience anxiety now and then. I generally feel though, that its well balanced between sensible knowing and a bit of faith. So why then, have I succumbed to this third baby anxiety? Possibly because I now know what amazing gifts our children are. I am reminded of that gift every day of my life as my husband and I care for these little people in our home. I see others experience the gift of a new child when I attend a birth and it brings tears to my eyes, every single time. I also fully realize and gratefully acknowledge that our first two kids were conceived, gestated, and were born with very little fuss.

Are human beings just superstitious by nature? Are we all wired with the uncanny knack of Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop? I think so. And its up to each individual to deal with that the best they can. The glass half full, the glass half empty, and everything in between.

What psychological melee happens to women having baby number four, or six, or ten, you might wonder? Well, there are definitely different issues that come to mind, but none as easily boxed and caricatured as babies one, two, and three. All pregnant women seem to suffer some degree of enhanced vulnerability. I'm sure we evolved that way to make us a bit more cautious, to ensure that we're not feeling daring enough to throw stones at the sabertooth tiger just for fun.

Pregnancy is the time for sacred growth. A time to go inward with your thoughts and fears. A time to just be safe in your cave. This time around, I feel like I have a split-personality. I'm sitting in the midwife chair, calm and strong, reassuring the pregnant, vulnerable me across the room, You can do it. All is well. You can do it...