confession

Okay, it's not a terribly exciting confession, but I still feel the need to share it.
I told my husband a little about this strange new phenomenon I've been having since late August (coinciding with my work with seniors). I must also say that I am in NO WAY looking outside of my marriage for ANYTHING! I'm very happy and satisfied with everything under our roof and blankets.

When I first became a mother, I seemed to have lost any presence of sexual identity. I was the milk-stained t-shirt mama, completely in love with my baby but completely at a loss as to what the hell had happened to my libido and my desire to be attractive. Over the years I've slowly regained that sense of self and think I have it back in full force, albeit in a different form. (Like, um, I'm not terribly drunk dancing to ska and reggae and flirting with skin head bartenders.) Sadly, I noticed that even though I've regained my sexual identity and libido (HURRRRAHHH!), I'm now a bit older and I often have kids with me. I'm not quite sure I believe in the MILF thing. I do NOT want to be a MILF. I would love however, to be aging gracefully and becoming ever-more sexy like Catherine Deneuve (fantasy, I know, but that's what I imagine I am doing-ha!).
At any rate, one misses having decent, sober, men of a similar age flirt with you. Or at best, smile warmly. Doesn't happen very often when one is dripping wet with lactation gone wild and screaming baby strapped to your chest in a sling.
You often hear about young guys borrowing nephews or nieces or puppies for a day so they can make small talk with young women who think they must be incredibly sensitive and good father material, when in reality, they're just trying to hook up with young women.

Forget the small children if you're a woman. It very obviously doesn't have the same effect. What I have found however, is that shopping with a really old person brings me flocks of flirtatious guys tripping over themselves to help us in stores.
It's downright bizzare. The last time I had this many guys paying this much attention to me, I'm pretty sure I was wearing a very short skirt and dancing with a beer in my hand....over a decade ago.

It's kind of fun to be in Home Depot and have a cute 24 year old guy smile and pester me and Mr. Senior Guy (whom I'm pushing in a wheel chair btw) to allow them to help us, despite us just browsing the store. Same thing in grocery stores with my other senior client who was a woman. Who knew? If I were single at this age, I would've never have guessed that shopping with an 80 year old would bring me men ever-ready to help me, make small talk, and smile warmly.

I think I actually *blushed* tonight in the store. I can not remember the last time I blushed. Uh, maybe 8th grade? Strange. Very unaccustomed to this new strange form of attention. It felt kind of good, but also kind of creepy in that, "I'm a MARRIED woman, I'll have you know!" kind of way.

So if you're like me and coming out of the sexless identity funk that seems to come with bearing and raising very small children, and you feel the need to have your attractiveness validated by someone other than your partner or children, get a job helping seniors shop. You'll be beating them off with a stick, I tell ya.