poooooooor favor

Today we had a quick field trip to a city pool with Sarah's school. Those kids are fun. Eamon had a blast too. He's a dare devil extraordinaire who kept jumping into the pool regardless of whether I was there or not to catch him.

I dropped Sarah back off at school, and Eamon fell asleep on the way home. I know he's so hungry, but obviously more tired than hungry. Me, I just had some chicken pasta with iced coffee and now a peanut butter and honey sandwich. I don't know how people live on Atkins. I live on carbs. Protein is so hard to get in me. Blech.

Yesterday I had what I am optimistically calling a "midwife's rite of passage". Here it is: I put my groceries on a credit card. Oh, and I put $225 of my $564 water bill on my card too. Nothing says midwife like living on a credit card. I remember (from classes I've taken) older midwives telling me of their poor days. Of charging groceries and gas. I did both yesterday. Honestly, I don't know how I have managed this long without doing it. Greg's work is getting slower as summer comes on. Last week he worked 3 days. Which means his check will be nothing. Which means I'll probably be doing some kind of cash advance so our bills go through all right.
I'm trying to stay calm and optimistic. Knowing the whole thing of "It takes 6 months to get any calls once you plastered your name all over town...". My brochure is just about ready. Cards were sent out to various CBEs, chiros, MTs and the like a month ago. I also have myself in the MMA directory and on Birth Partners. I can't afford birth network yet.

There's a guy interested in my bike. He lives in Washington state but is moving to Ann Arbor in August. He and his wife will be in A2 this Wednesday and Thursday to look at houses. I'm supposed to ride my bike (which hasn't been ridden in 3 summers) up to their hotel as I go to clean the credit union. I'm a bit nervous because I haven't ridden in so long. I'm gonna get it out this evening and go on a trial run. It also needs to be washed. It's dusty. I don't know what his plan is if he does want to buy it. I could use the cash ASAP, but he probably won't buy it right away unless he has someplace to store it. Maybe he'll be rich and can store it locally and pay me NOW. Of course, the sad and sucky part of this is this: this motorcycle money is supposed to be paying for my NARM fees. However, I'm so broke right now I'll have to use a chunk of it to pay our current bills.
sooooooooooooobbbbbbbbbbb!
There's many days that have passed where I feel like I will never be a midwife. Many obstacles popping up. I just read my yearly horoscope and it said June will be a financially volatile time for me. Fabu. I figured that's what I get for reading my horrible-scope.
My sweet and always optimistic friend Tammy told me that a few years from now I will be a busy midwife and I will look back on this summer as being a sweet, but poor one where I got to spend a lot of time with my little kids, enjoying them fully.

I hope so. I really, really do.

On other fronts, we're all getting along very well these days. We've agreed to waiting this beast out and waiting for me to get the work I was trained to do. I've started running again. This feels good. I can tell the difference in my mood. It makes it much easier to not feel like I'm burdening Greg with a soley breastfed, fussy baby while I run. After I had Sarah I would never, ever leave her. And I think that if I did I would've been such a happier mama. She was 10 months old when Greg and I finally got out together without her. With Eamon, he was maybe 3 weeks old (granted, I was cleaning the credit union, not going out to drink or anything!). And yes, soley breastfed. I just wasn't in a tizzy about him needing me. And he survived just fine. And then I was back on-call at the 6 month mark. Being gone for unspecified amounts of time. So much better the second time around. So less neurotic. So much happier. It's all good.

So I hit the track to run and felt like I used to feel (before I had kids): that nice, meditative calm come over me. Knowing it's my time and no one is going to interupt me. And I was reminded of how running is much like labor. Surrendering while remaining strong. Sweating, some pain, but closing my eyes and letting it be. My inner birth junkie was well pleased.

All right. I better go. Eamon is still napping. I'm going to attempt to move various kayaks and motorcycles around the garage to get mine out to have the driveway car wash going on. Then all I'll need to do is get my Daisy Dukes on...