Whining

I've been feeling incredibly vulnerable and emotionally squishy lately.
I've lost a lot of steam. I'm back to being broke again. With no prospect of money in the near future. This weekend proved shitty as far as money goes.
I was planning on sending in my finally completed NARM packet but realized that I didn't have enough money. Not only do I not have enough money for the first half payment, but we got slammed with this huge, nearly $600 water bill. It is correct. However, by no fault of our own. The water department has been doing estimated reads for a year and a half and has recently realized they've been way under-estimating us. So guess who gets the kick in the balls? We do.
And it's due in 2 weeks. Lovely. I need to call them and set up a payment plan (the stupid shits should give me a year and a half to pay it).
And to make matters worse, Eamon dunked my cell phone in to my coffee yesterday, rendering it completely jacked up and useless. It happened just as my dad was coming in the door. I was a wreck about it. After all, I have a doula client past due. My initial thought was that I wouldn't be able to leave the house til she went into labor since I no longer have a pager. We went to the Verizon store to price new phones. Oy vey. Crazy expensive! I've never bought a new one without re-signing a contract. Ended up paying $210 for the same phone(and it's totally bottom-of-the-line). My sweet dad paid for it saying it was my Mother's Day gift. So nice of him.
By the end of the day, I felt more depressed. A complete fuck up. How have I managed to get this old and not have it together? I realize there's a lot of good in my life, and a lot of nice things even.
Ack. I just want to work and make some money and pay our bills and not be left breathless when stupid bills come in.
And I'm trying to read these dumb marketing books and they're just crap, for the most part. A little too tacky for midwifery. I'm not selling encyclopedias, I'm offering midwifery care.
So I've been immersing myself in yard work to feel somewhat accomplished. But doing yard work doesn't leave me with a pay check.
Speaking of, the cleaning company I work for shorted me a day's pay. I need to call them, again.

and I need to wake up Eamon so he will go to sleep at bedtime tonight.