This is what I get for stealing...

Check this out:
Last week I was cleaning the credit union. They have plaques on the wall from the city complementing them on being so "green", a pat on the back for all their recycling.
What a crock. I've thrown out at least 47 acres of forest in the 7 (ack) years I've been cleaning there twice-weekly (is that biweekly? or is biweekly every OTHER week?).
Last Wednesday was the best.
The people who work there have seen me many times. I'm not a huge brawny man, or a huge brawny woman for that matter. Even when I was pregnant they'd try to leave huge boxes of crap for me to carry that I would refuse with a sticky note saying: Can't carry this, I'm 8 months pregnant.
So back to last Wednesday. The oh-so-"green" credit union folks left me 8 boxes of brochures with the word TRASH written on each box. Inside each box was 5,000 brochures that had expired. They weighed about 25 pounds each. Those stupid people couldn't be bothered to move them near the door to make it a little easier on me. Instead they left them in two stacks in the farthest corner from any exit.
I was pissed. But I couldn't throw them away with a clear conscience. Not to mention heaving them over my head into the 6 foot tall dumpster would've sucked.
So I backed up the old Vulva station wagon and packed each of the 8 boxes into the back and drove to the recycling place near our house.
I threw in each box, one by one. I could feel my halo grow a little brighter with each trip back to the recycling dumpster full of paper goods. I tried not to smirk as I walked tall to my car full of righteousness. "I am a GOOD person!" I thought to myself.
As I threw in the last box and began to walk to my car, I noticed a letter in the dumpster. A hand-written letter on nice stationary. In this time of quick, curt emails, seeing hand-writing on real stationary is refreshing. Without even thinking, I grabbed the letter, folded it tight and stuffed it into my pocket while taking a quick look around to assess whether anyone was around watching me.

I drove home slowly, feeling bad for taking the letter. It wasn't mine. Whoever it belonged to was clearly done with it. I pondered the contents. Really hoping it was in English and REALLY hoping it was something steamy.

Once in my driveway I pulled it out and began to read. My face fell in disbelief.
I steal an anonymous letter and find that I could've written the damn thing myself.
The similarities are just NOT FAIR.

To summarize: a woman wrote a friend she hasn't seen in forever to share a recipe; to say older child (same age as my older child) is doing great with reading and enjoys writing stories; to say younger child (same age as my younger child) is just starting to be potty trained; to say that while she and her husband are getting along well, they have hardly anytime alone together but are "hanging in there" and hope for a vacation alone together in 3-4 years.
That's it. XOXOXO

WTF? How not fair to read an anonymous letter that so mirrors my own life. No sex, no lies, no espionage.... That's what I get for stealing.