last night's post continued...

So we drove to Fenton. We arrived at Bill's mom's house and no one was home. So we drove around the corner and fed the kids a healthy Burger King meal and let them play in the indoor play structure for a bit. Before leaving Fenton we tried Bill's house again. This time his car was there. Greg went to the door and came back with Bill hugging him and smiling. Big hugs and kisses all around.
Bill is our friend from years ago. He virtually lived with us from around late '96 to early '99. He's an excellent artist and a slacker extraordinaire. When I had Sarah he left. I think he was personally pissed that Chuck had a child and a few months later I did too. I heard from him on New Years when Sarah was 4 months old and that was that.
So we saw him yesterday. He looks totally the same. Tall, extremely thin and wirey. Chain smoking. Balding, smiley, funny. He reminds me a lot of a younger Ed Harris. Very intense but smiles a lot. He's holed up in his mom's house (which is destroyed) painting "like a Zen master". 12-16 hours a day, painting. And lots of smoking. He chain-smoked two before he asked, "Ah man, you guys quit didn't you?!" Greg said, "Um yeah, like 7 years ago."
We stayed an hour or so. Talking in the driveway while the kids found random weird things in the overgrown weeds. Before we left he gave the kids a bunch of XMen figures still in their boxes. I gave him our phone number and invited him to come down some time. I know he never will. But that's okay.
It was a surreal day. First Chuck and then Bill. Old, old friends who remind you of what you used to be. Chuck despite having a child, is very much the same. Smokes, goes to a lot of shows, always in some band or another. Bill, completely the same: smoking, drinking lots of soda and painting and sketching for hours a day. Doesn't have a job. Surely burned through what little money his dad left.
At first glimpse this is all very alluring. Driving home, Greg reminded me of days he would go to bed at night, saying good night to Bill and I as we chain smoked and painted and yakked, debated and laughed. He'd wake in the morning to go to work and we'd be doing the same thing. He'd come home from work and we'd be doing the same thing. And when Greg had a day off it was the same thing. Greg staying up all night with Bill. We never really drank with him. Lots of Pepsi. Lots of Camels. Its hurts my head to think of all that caffeine and sugar and nicotine.
I feel worlds away from all that. I don't smoke. I run. I am a mother. A midwife. I'm blessed with a good life, for sure.
There will always be a slice of me that will miss those days and nights though. If cigarettes weren't bad for you, if I weren't on-call... ha. Bill painting amazing things, me painting crap, but enjoying it all the same. Reading tons of books. Lots of discussion. Lots of laughing.

Just so surreal. Greg and I were in a daze all night. We'd just look at each other and go: Wow.

I am getting old. :)
It's all good. It's just going to take a few days to let this all sink in and move on. Let the stirred up memories come to the surface and sink down again.